Living In An Abusive Relationship

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No Susan, You Don't Have To Live Like This!

first Published May 30, 2019

We all share a story of falling in love! Unconditional love. Some of us find a guy who has problems. We think we can change him. Fix him, right?

Even when you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you hold onto the idea that things will get better.

Living In An Abusive Relationship 1
Living in an abusive relationship

You are committed to this abusive relationship.

You have children together. You see a spark of humanity in the guy—even when you are told he’s cheating on you. You love him! You know he either didn’t do it—because of course everyone else is lying, or they’re just jealous. When he admits that he’s cheating, he says he’s sorry and won’t do it again. You believe him.

You also believe him when he hits you.

You don’t see that you are in an abusive relationship. You have a black eye. He says he drank too much. He’s so sorry and won’t do it again. You explain the black eye to others by saying, “I hit my head.”

The next time he loses control, he breaks everything you got from your beloved grandmother.

You are so sad. Your grandmother died and you will never see her again. Now everything you had to remember her by, is gone. All because of his uncontrollable temper. You are so upset and yell at him. This time he throws you down the steps. Your arm is broken. You still won’t admit that you are in an abusive relationship. When you see a doctor you say, “I’m just clumsy. I fell down the steps with a load of laundry.”

The one you love is so sad. He’s crying this time.

He’s so sorry. He does the dishes and bathes the kids for you. You know he didn’t mean to hurt you. He loves you! The next day he brings you a pair of diamond earrings. You have a broken arm, but you forgive him, once again.

The next time he’s so angry because you visited with the neighbor and lost track of time.

You didn’t get home in time to make dinner before he got home from work. You don’t want the neighbors to know you are in an abusive relationship. You turn up the TV, they won’t hear him yelling. You grab the kids and hide in a closet while he breaks all the dishes.

This time, he storms out of the house. You sweep up the glass and try to return things back to normal. You feed and comfort the children, and put them to bed. This time, he doesn’t return home for several days.

What do you think will happen when he comes back?

Do you know that you are living in fear? You are lying to yourself if you think he’s sorry and won’t do it again. You are lying to everyone else. You are living in fear that he will come back enraged and hurt you or the children.

By now, do you know that things will not get better? Do you know that you can not change him? What would you do if he hurt your children? You may say, “I know he won’t hurt the children, he loves them!” But, remember he also said he loves you! This abusive relationship could quickly turn to child abuse or even homicide.

Well, Susan, do you know that you don’t have to live like this?

Call for help!

Domestic Violence Hotline

Call for help!

Domestic Violence Hotline

Advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in more than 200 languages. All calls are free and confidential.

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